Update

Said coworker, from the previous post, is constantly complaining of not feeling well. We assume that this is either for a) attention, or, b) the slightest notion from our manager that it is okay to go home... He is very lazy and does not like to work.

Said coworker is a bit of a whiner and when he gets the slightest headache or stomach ache, he proceeds to create massive, distracting noises either with a bottle of some form of pills or with moans and sighs of discontent.

This DOES annoy our manager and we have decided that every time said coworker complains of feeling ill, the manager will play a sound bit of a baby crying.

We did. Said coworker was oblivious to what this meant. He, instead, decided it was time to play some of his favorite sound files to which my manager messaged me with an apology.